my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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