I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
