There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
