You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
