he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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