so let's talk penis.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
