just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
