I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
