Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
