roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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