so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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