So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
