I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
