It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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