i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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