For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
