I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
