my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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