I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
