Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
