my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
