you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
