guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
