i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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