My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
