Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
