Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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