i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
