If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
