OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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