when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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