On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
