I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
