she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
