i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
