he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
