I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
