Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
