I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
