the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
