i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
