Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
