hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
