please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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