We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
