watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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