before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
