U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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