I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have peed in a lot of sinks
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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