i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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