I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
