I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
