Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
